We’re All Gonna Freeze To Death This Weekend From The Worst Polar Vortex Ever

Get ready to break out your long johns, mittens, snow coats, thermal shirts, hoodies, beanies, hand warmers, second mittens, double jackets, snow pants, space heaters and climate-controlled bubbles you can traverse outside in, for it is going to be fucking freezing this weekend.

Like really, really cold. That above image right there is predicting us to get hit with our 90 millionth crippling polar vortex of the past two years.

While we’ve been hit with some pretty brutal polar vortices ever since it was invented last year, this one has the potential to be the worst fucking ever.

Which is saying something, because last year had some cold as crap one.

It’s basically gonna be that scene from Batman & Robin:

From The Capital Weather Gang:

A one-two punch of arctic air promises to blast the Washington, D.C. metro region Thursday night into Friday and Saturday night into Sunday. The second punch, call it a knock-out blow, is likely to be the most severe of the winter and comparable to the cold blasts during the painfully cold winter of 2013-2014. Not only will temperatures crash into the single digits in many areas but winds will also be absolutely fierce.

Meanwhile, New York isn’t expected to fair much better. Mayor Bill de Blasio is telling residents to be terrified.

The entire East Coast is about to become a barren, wind-swept, frozen hellhole. Boston may not even exist any more. And to top it all off, it’s gonna be windy. As FUCK. Back to the Capital Weather Gang.

If you’re out Valentine’s Day evening, be prepared for rapidly falling temperatures from near 30 into the teens by midnight. Winds will also start to crank, with wind chills falling to near zero.

The core of the cold infiltrates the area by Sunday morning when lows range from the high single digits to low teens.

The cold on Sunday will be complemented by raging winds. The GFS model suggests the potential for sustained winds of 20-30 mph and gusts of 40-50 mph Sunday morning.

Fuck, dude. Stay indoors. Forever. Or at least until the end of April.