GoPro Footage From A Sprinting Cheetah Will Remind You How Friggin’ Dead You Are If You’re Ever Chased By A Cheetah
I’m off the grid for four days with no phone or Internet, and in that short timeframe the Internet has managed to get its panties in a twist over the Cincinnati Zoo shooting dead Harambe the gorilla. Literally anywhere you look online there’s outrage, yet if you go for a walk around the block in the “real world” you’ll notice that life is continuing on as just as you’d expect on a lazy Tuesday in the summer.
My point is, sometimes the Internet can suck you into believing that people all over are angry, pitchfork-carrying Mongols who jump at even the smallest opportunity to set fire to something, but in reality it’s only the fools who spend their days surfing the comments section on various websites who care to the point of “Dude…wtf are you doing with your life?” When I got in trouble for writing my email, it was like the entire world was screaming hate and vitriol at me…but only online. I go to the Starbucks down the road and no one gives a shit; I login to my Facebook and I have 40+ messages telling me how I’m a giant bitch.
If you’re getting tired of reading arguments between people who either believe that Harambe the gorilla had it coming or that the kid should’ve been ripped to pieces as an example of survival of the fittest, hit me up and we can talk about how pointless it all is. No amount of online bickering is going to bring Harambe back to life, and in the end, had Harambe not been shot and actually maimed the kid, people would be flipping out over how the zoo tried to spare the animal rather than save the kid. Everybody loses in both scenarios.
In the meantime, watch this GoPro footage from the back of cheetah as a reminder that in two weeks no one will remember why they were all pissy over a gorilla, because they’ll have moved onto the next “big” thing; my guess is it’ll have something to do with gluten. Adderall-poppin’ millennials hate gluten.