The Biggest Debate In The World Right Now Is Over The Correct Way A Dog Would Wear Pants

by 3 years ago  •  2 Comments
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America is currently being torn completely asunder with perhaps its fiercest, most genuinely misguided debate in decades.

This time, it’s not about the way to properly vet and accommodate Syrian refugees. Neither is it about general immigration reform, or income inequality, or drug policy, or the panoply of other pressing issues facing the nation.

Nah, it’s over how a dog would wear pants.

And much like every one of the problems mentioned above that could all be solved by applying about a half snifter of common sense and a modicum of basic rationality, this too has a easily solvable answer, but one people can’t agree on because we’ve put a prominence on shouting your opinion over all else.

Pants go around your two legs. The image on the left is something more akin to a one piece snowsuit than pants.

Additionally, here is an example of what happens when you cinch something around four legs.

It inhibits movement, it makes you fall down, it allows the Rebel Alliance to blow you up where your armor is weak at the neck, which are three things you don’t want in pants. Those are not pants. Those are death traps.

So who supports image A? Idiots who don’t understand dogs or pants.

The argument for A goes that if dogs invented pants, they would pick A to “[leave] the asshole freely available for greetings and ice breakers.” Which, yea, sure, as though the fucking pants in B don’t have a hole in them for the tail where, AHEM, the asshole also is.

While this is just supposed to be a fun and lighthearted exercise, it really does show how the principle of allowing debate is actually detrimental when clearly correct options are presented in front of us.

Allow refugees because we are good people, don’t deport anyone who is already here illegally because that is wrong, tax the rich more, legalize drugs, and don’t wear pants on your hands.

You would look like an idiot.

[Via JCamm, Stacey Ritzen, Jared Keller, and Reddit]


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