New ‘Smart Condom’ Will Give You Feedback On Thrust Velocity, Speed, Calories Burned, And More

by 2 years ago
i.Con world's first smart condom


If you’re a person who has responded ‘TMI’ to anything anyone’s said in the past decade then this new Smart Condom probably isn’t for you. If, however, you’re a forward-thinking person who is always looking to improve your life and see value in tracking daily progress to show improvement over time then this Smart Condom is PERFECT for you.

So, what’s the deal with this new Smart Condom? In addition to protecting you from STDs and blocking pregnancy, it’s kind of like a FitBit for your dick.

According to Whitney McIntosh over at UPROXX, there is a whole range of metrics this new Smart Condom will be capturing while you have sex:

Thrust speed – Essentially the same as velocity, but if anybody tries man-splaining the difference between the two after sex they probably won’t have much more luck in that department.
Calories burned – It should be 69 calories. Every time, no matter what. No one should desire a legitimate answer to this.
How many times you had sex – If you don’t know how many times you just had sex, there might be bigger problems to worry about.
Average penis temperature – Sure?
Girth measurement – Something you can definitely find out without a $75 thingamajig. And also unnecessary because everyone knows size doesn’t matter.
How you stack up – Because what the world needs is a “sex leaderboard” and the ability to send sex data to your friends or (horrifyingly) family. What could go wrong?

i.Con world's first smart condom


Does the world need a sex leaderboard? Hell yes, it does. I got a FitBit for Christmas and have made it my mission to beat everyone I know in the total number of steps each week (a goal I’m failing at btw). Imagine if there was a leaderboard for sex?! Turning sex into a competition is actually the best idea I’ve heard in 2017.

Right now, the condom’s for sale in the UK and it’s retailing for $59.99. So, if you’re ready to start tracking yourself and get better in bed then you can FOLLOW THIS LINK to scoop up your very own Smart Condom today.

(h/t UPROXX)

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