This harrowing tale comes to us via a Redditor aptly named “SoreCock,” which I must imagine does not insinuate that he looks after injured roosters. It all started how every sexual injury starts, at a swingers party. SoreCock, who is 31-years-old, and his wife Mrs. SoreCok, who is 27-years-old, got swept up in the magical world of swinging this summer where they began meeting couples, which then escalated to exclusive swinging clubs and private parties.
However it’s not all sprightly acts of throwing his wife on the shishkabob, gooey gangbangs and yummy bukakefests in SoreCock’s world. You see, SoreCock has has a soft spot. “Only problem is that my erection usually doesn’t last for more than 1 to 1.5 hours, but stamina-wise, I can go all night – especially in a club full of beautiful naked women.” Okay, 1.) Fuck you for your amazing lifestyle, 2.) Fuck you for being greedy and 3.) Fuck you for complaining about “only” lasting 60-90 minutes with a rock-hard erection. Fucking bust your nut, go chow on some poon, bust another nut and go home with the biggest shiteating grin known to man. End of epic, incredibly fantastic, super envious story.
He tells his tragic anecdote in the TIFU (Today I Fucked Up) subreddit, which for this circumstance should be renamed to “Today I Really, Really Fucked Up And Now I’m In The Hospital And My Dick Might Explode.”
So…I got a little greedy. I saw a urologist and told him I had erectile dysfunction. He prescribed various pills, none of which seemed to prolong my hard-on. So the next step was injections straight into the side of the penis. (I called it Viagra in the post title, but actually it’s called TriMix. Same effect though.) I initially balked at the idea, but after doing some reading on this particular medication (it lasts several hours and makes your cock hard as a diamond), I gave it a second thought.
Well this ought to end well. Especially since everything worked out great for the guy who injected vaseline into his tallywhacker and had to have his penis skinned.
So I filled the prescription and decided to give it a try last night. (To answer a question I’m sure is many readers’ minds, no, it’s not very painful at all.) So I got the wife on board for a night of marathon sex, injected myself, and almost instantly got the thickest and hardest erection I’ve ever experienced. I almost didn’t recognize my dick. Walking around the house with my massive shlong wagging around was great. We had a great fuck-fest that had to be cut short, to two hours, only because she was getting sore…and so was I…
That’s when shit took a turn for the worse.
I came…twice…and it only got HARDER. I started pouring cold water over it. Nothing. I took four Sudafed pills (as suggested online when you get an out-of-control erection). Nothing. I started exercising major muscle groups, doing endless sets of push-ups, pull-ups, squats, etc. (also recommended online, in order to divert the blood). Nothing.
Three hours in, it was starting to really hurt…and I was starting to panic.
I’d imagine push-ups would be difficult in this condition, like a coffee table with five legs. Imagine you’re at the gym and some dude with a 2×4 in his pants comes running in and starts feverishly working out. Some girl on the treadmill smacks him because she believes his menacing hard-on is threatening.
Knowing that the medication came with a warning that prolonged erections lasting longer than 4 hours require emergency medical attention, I rushed to the ER. Telling the elderly hispanic woman in triage what happened wasn’t fun. I was writhing in pain at this point, and my cock was so sensitive and painful, I could not walk and required a wheelchair because the sensation of it rubbing against my shorts as I walked was incredibly painful. Yes, I was awkwardly covering up my erection the entire time.
Good luck getting your HMO to pay for that. I don’t recall McDreamy ever having to tend to this medical emergency on Grey’s Anatomy.
Eventually I got wheeled into a room. I got two full doses of morphine before I calmed down a bit. 40 minutes later, a team of doctors and nurses came in. The resident doctor was a young, cute Indian woman who – unlike the others in the room who tried very hard to act serious – read me and the situation better and made it pretty clear that she thought this was all pretty hilarious and cheered me up immediately, by turns making fun of me and being very vaguely flirtatious.
Here’s the power of the penis. This man is in excruciating pain and his dick is about to explode like a thousand Death Stars, and yet he’s still trying to get it in. Fucking testosterone is the worst.
“Eventually they got a butterfly needle and proceeded to extract a STUPENDOUS amount of blood out of my cock, as the doctors took turns squeezing my dick like a lemon.” So at least this sad story literally had a happy ending.
If you’d like to see the Hindenburg dick in all it’s gross, bloated, Viagra-filled glory, you can click on this NSFW link.