Man With Largest Penis On The Planet Explains Sad Predicaments Of Having An 18-Inch Dong

Guys say they want a large donger, but how big is too big? 8-inches? 10-inches? 12-inches? Like at what point does whipping out this veiny monstrosity go from “WOW!” to “You think that thing is going to fit in here?” Roberto Esquivel Cabrera knows the struggle of having a colossal choade, in fact, he’s the president and CEO of the Big Dick Club.

Mr. Cabrera is packing an extraordinary 18.9-inch python! His junk is so long that it dangles well below his knee (I guess being an Olympic hurdler is not in his cards). However things aren’t all smiles and shish kabobbing chicks for the well, well, well-endowed gentleman.

The 52-year-old wants to be acknowledged as a disabled person because his bulging baloney pony affects his ability to work and because of that he isn’t able to hold down a job. He survives on social assistance and scavenges for food at waste dumps.

Cabrera also doesn’t have a girlfriend because women are too frightened by his massive man muscle to have sex with him. He also laments that he has no friends because people shun him. Which you really can’t blame them, because would you want to walk into a bar and have your friend’s foot and a half long shlong catching the eyes of all the ladies? Or every time you go to Home Depot you get stopped because security thinks that your friend stole a 25-foot garden hose in his pants? Sorry dude, you and your elephant trunk dick are on your own.

Roberto, who is from Saltillo in the north-eastern Mexican state of Coahuila, also wants to be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records. Cabrera underwent a medical examination and had an X-ray and 3D scan done to verify the length of his enormous trouser snake. A doctor said that the main part of his third leg was just over 6-inches long and the rest was extra skin.

In case you’re wondering who is currently the world record holder for longest dick, that esteemed honor goes to American Johan Falcon and his 13.5-inch tallywhacker. U-S-A! U-S-A! Home of the biggest dicks! America fuck yeah!

Cabrera was deported from the United States to Mexico in 2011, and now lives alone in a room given to him by his brothers. Hopefully he doesn’t get an erection near the U.S. border because he’ll destroy the proposed Donald Trump wall with one thrust.

Medical experts suggest that this poor man could have a shaft reduction operation (And you thought nothing was more incomprehensible than breast reduction surgery). Well godspeed Mr. Cabrera, and keep your head up.