The Story That Was Bound To Happen Eventually Involves A Man Named Bacon Assaulting Someone Over A Piece Of Sausage

With a name like Bacon, trouble is sure to follow. Well maybe not trouble but a on of hungry people and bad jokes from strangers.

Thomas Bacon went and found trouble and it involved the last couple links of sausage. SAUSAGE! Bacon’s sworn enemy! There on different sides of the pig for a reason.

Around 3:30 a.m. on May 12, Madison Police Officer Lisa Esposito was dispatched on a report of a dispute at a Main Street home, Madison Police Lt. Joseph Cirella said in a news release.

After Esposito arrived, she learned that Thomas Bacon allegedly assaulted another person in the house for eating the breakfast meat, Cirella said.

That’s enough to send any man over the edge, especially a 19-year-old who’s endured a lifetime of awful bacon jokes.

Bacon was charged with simple, but delicious, assault.


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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.