The best way to assert your dominance over someone is by making them feel as small as possible. There are plenty of ways to do this. Fixing a dude’s tie for him in the waiting room when both of you are applying for the same job. Going out of your way to make out with a girl you have no interest in just because some dude you don’t like has a crush on her. Making a big show of shaking your dick out in a urinal when the dude next to you didn’t shake once because his dick is much smaller than you and, thus, can hold significantly less pee than yours can. But never shaking too much. Over 5 shakes is pretty much just masturbating. Masturbating into a urinal automatically makes you pretty much the least dominant person in the room.
Removing that one idea, however, there are pretty much an uncountable amount of ways that a dude can assert dominance over another dude. Like this guy from Iowa who got so mad at Domino’s playing him for a fool and botching his order that he got naked and stuck a gun in the delivery guy’s face to prove to them that he’s nobody’ g-damn fool.
Via The Smoking Gun:
“Dusten Kemp, 30, is locked up on $8500 bond following his arrest last night on harassment and assault charges. According to cops, Kemp placed a delivery order Tuesday evening and subsequently complained that what he received “was wrong.” When Kemp phoned in an order late last night, workers agreed to send him two free pizzas as a make-good.
When a Domino’s employee arrived at Kemp’s home in Coralville, an Iowa City suburb, he was “drunk and took his clothes off.” Kemp, seen above, grabbed the worker’s arm and “made several threats about them messing up his order,” according to a court filing. Kemp, police charge, then warned that he was going to “come down to Domino’s” and “shoot up the place with a .45.”
During police questioning Kemp denied making threats against Domino’s, though he admitted that a delivery driver had been at his residence.”
Dick = Dominance.
If we’re being brutally honest here, delivery boys have about as much street cred as a throw pillows. Their job is bring you food when you’re too lazy to get it yourself and maybe get paid for it. If they’re lucky. But Kemp is about as dominant as they come. Domino’s forgot the dude’s pepperoni or some shit like that and he decided to whip his dick out and put gun in the dude’s face. I guarantee that kid will never deliver a pizza again unless he’s personally guaranteed it’s the correct one. He will also never be the most dominant person in the room. Everytime he smells pizza, he’s going to remember how cold the business end of that dude’s gun felt. You can’t assert your dominance over anyone if you’re afraid of pizza.