Some Dude In Florida Just Caught A Mantis Shrimp Big Enough To Eat Your Dog

mantis-shrimp-punch

Facebook/Steve Bargeron


A fisherman in Fort Pierce, Florida just reeled in what he thought was a giant lobster. As it turns out, it’s a gigantic fucking mantis shrimp that is big enough to eat your dog, your neighbor’s dog, and probably every dog in the neighborhood…HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT THING!

Deadspin’s Tom Ley has the story:

This foul beast was plucked from the depths by a fisherman named Steve Bargeron, who then sent pictures to the The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. The Commission posted the photos on its Facebook page, which is how we got here, with you sobbing under your desk. Here, have a look from another angle:

Here’s that other angle to which he is referring…

Aaaand one more look at it:

MyFWC adds to the story:

Steve Bargeron was fishing from a dock in Fort Pierce as he watched a fellow fisherman pull this creature out of the water. Steve said the massive thing was about 18 inches long and striking its own tail, so he grabbed it by its back like a lobster. Scientists think it may be some type of mantis shrimp (which are actually not related to shrimp, but are a type of crustacean called a stomatopod), and continue to review the photos to identify the exact species. Have you ever been shocked to find something strange on the end of your line? “Fish tales” and photos welcome!

Scientists think it’s some type of mantis shrimp (which are actually not related to shrimp, but are a type of crustacean called a stomatopod), and continue to review the photos to identify the exact species.

So it’s not a shrimp? It’s a Mantis Shrimp. Which isn’t a shrimp at all, it’s a stomatopod, and an obnoxious misnomer. Okay, moving on…

If you’re not familiar with Mantis Shrimp, watch this video from Ze Frank rightthefuck now. As it’s a wealth of knowledge regarding the insane mantis shrimp, and you owe it to yourself to stay informed:

As you all just learned, mantis shrimp have insanely psychopathic killer tendencies. Now I feel like it’s important to put those murderous inclinations in context of the massive fucking size of that mantis shrimp Steve Bargeron caught, and imagine the hell that thing’s been wrecking on the reef for years.

If you didn’t watch the video, know this one thing: mantis shrimp have an infamous ‘mantis shrimp punch’ in which they stun/attack/kill their prey. Here it is in a GIF I just made for you (thank me later):

mantis-shrimp-slow-motion-punch

YouTube


So there you have it, some Florida Man just caught a mutant killer, and the world is a safer place now that this thing is no longer swimming around.

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