Martin Shkreli Is Auctioning Off The Opportunity To Punch Him In The Face For Charity And The Bids Are Astronomical

Martin Shkreli’s face could not be more punchable if he had a swastika tattooed on his forehead. I’m a lover, not a fighter, but I’d cough up pay-per-view money to unload some stress on pharma douche’s cheekbone.

And it’s not because he jacked up the price of a 62-year-old drug that is the standard of care for treating a life-threatening parasitic infection from $13.50 to $750. And not because he paid $2 million for a Wu-Tang album just to be a troll. No, no neither of those things come into play here.

It’s because of the God-given structure of his face. He’s the kind of kid that when you meet him, you know, without question, that you simply could never be friends with him. I’m not sure I’d accept an organ transplant from the dude if he was the only eligible donor. I’ve lived a good life. My time is my time.

This is a good day for me–for us–because Martin Shkreli has extended a proposition to his 147,000 Twitter followers.

The irony of him raising money for cancer but jacking up the price on a drug for another deadly disease is probably lost on the poor bastard, but I guess I respect his punchable face for his decent act.

Sucks I don’t have the cash.

But I do got Venmo.

And if I don’t win the auction, I got some motivation for the bro who does. Look at this picture. Study it. And then, unload.

[h/t Uproxx]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.