When it comes to writing these stories up there’s usually at least a few thoughts I have going through my mind that I can typically use to start something, but in this case I’ve only got the following:
If I ever got someone’s breast milk in my mouth I think I would die. Not because I’m lactose intolerant or anything, but because that’s fucking disgusting and I don’t know how I could keep living my life with the knowledge that I’d just tasted boob juice. I wouldn’t even need to kill myself, I’d just straight up die right there. My brain would literally just shut down and I’d die. The End.
In other words, fuck this lady.
Police in Germany have dubbed the lactating criminal the ‘Milk Sprayer’ and described the incident as a “most extraordinary crime”.
The woman bought a vacuum pump from the store in Darmstadt – paying for the €20 (£15.70) contraption with a €200 (£157) note, according to reports.
As the cashier returned her change she tore open her shirt and sent a milky arc straight into the face of the drugstore employee, according to police spokesmanFerdinand Derigs.
Derigs added: “She then moved on to the second cashier and sent an eyeful in her direction too.
The “Milk Sprayer” has been described as strong and having long dark hair, but what does “strong” even mean? Is she a body builder? Is she muscular looking? Is she Arnold Schwarzenegger in a wig? This is need to know information, people, because for all we know she’s jumped across the pond and is planning on squirting us Americans in the face with her tit secretions. I can’t tell if I’m terrified or grossed out, but to be honest I’m probably both.
[H/T Mirror, header image via Shutterstock]