GoPro Steals One Of Apple’s Top Employees, Plus JPMorgan Beat Earnings Estimates Despite Drop In Revenue

“We’re disgusted, union busted” — A large group of Verizon strikers in New York. Yesterday, close to 40,000 unionized Verizon employees called it quits after failing to reach a new labor agreement. The event culminated in a spat between Verizon and—who else—Bernie Sanders, who stopped by to lend his support (Hillary Clinton showed up too). Let’s just hope everyone will still be able to use their phones.

MARKET SNAPSHOT
Big Picture

  • U.S. stocks had a blowout day on Wednesday despite lagging retail sales figures; in fact, the retail sector as a whole outperformed the broad market
  • There’s more: Chinese stocks rose nearly 1.5% after data showed that Chinese exports staged an unexpected March rebound—calming investors who fear that the world’s second largest economy may be slowing down

Market Movers

  • Shares of Harley-Davidson raced upward after UBS stated that it expected the company’s March sales figures to beat analyst forecasts

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CORPORATE PRIMER

JPM’s Big Reveal

Yesterday, JPMorgan was the first bank to report earnings since the Fed hiked rates in December. How’d it do? Before the big reveal, let’s do some expectations-setting: banks haven’t had a great 2016, and if you’re one of the poor souls who owns bank stocks, you can thank oil prices and near zero interest rates for the slump. Against all odds, JPM beat earnings estimates despite a 7% drop in revenue, and shares rose 4% in response. With Wells Fargo and Bank of America set to report today, the bar has been set.

The Tale of Peabody

Want to hear a sad story? Ready or not, here it comes: it all started in 1883 with a $100 bill, a wagon and two mules that would become the largest private-sector coal company in the world. How did it end? With the biggest bankruptcy this year. Weighing in at $10.1 billion in debt, Peabody Energy is the latest victim of tougher environmental policies and the collapse in coal prices. We’ll put it in perspective: the coal market is down 75% since 2011. Yikes.

Big Banks Get Schooled

The Federal Reserve and the FDIC have teamed up—this time, to scrutinize big banks’ living wills. Before we go any further, a “living will” is a fun term for what happens in case of a not-so-fun bankruptcy—more specifically, it’s a bankruptcy plan that doesn’t rely on taxpayer money. Remember how the collapse of multiple large banks helped bring the financial markets to its knees in 2008? Yeah, that’s why living wills are now a thing. Unfortunately, yesterday five major banks received big fat “F”’s on these plans. Some of the unlucky recipients? Wells Fargo, Bank of America and JPMorgan Chase (fresh off its earnings release)—it doesn’t get more major than that. For now, these banks have until October 1 to revise their plans for bankruptcy and get them approved or they’ll risk getting slapped with stricter regulations. Call it extra homework or detention—nobody likes getting an F.

Apple Picking

All the shoutouts in Kanye’s new album haven’t helped GoPro’s stock price. What has? Yesterday, the struggling action camera maker snagged a professional of its own after hiring Apple’s Daniel Coster to its design team. Coster’s as much of a pro as there is in this space—at Apple, he helped to design the iPhone and iPad. Now? He’s GoPro’s VP of Design. And about the stock: after plummeting 69% in the last year, shares surged 19% yesterday in celebration.

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OTHER STORIES

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ECONOMIC CALENDAR

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, KOBE

After 20 long years of historic balling, Kobe Bryant played his final NBA game last night (and what a game it was). It may be a somber moment in Los Angeles Lakers history, but at least ticket merchants are profiting: resale tickets for the game went for an average price of $925:

  • To put that in perspective, the $925 average selling price is the highest since basketball ticket pricing began tracking in 2010. It’s even more remarkable when you consider what an unremarkable season it has been for the Lakers.
  • Meanwhile, the Golden State Warriors had quite a game of their own last night—playing to break the NBA record for single-season wins—but the tickets for their game only went for an average of $489 (to be fair, that’s still a lot).
  • Bryant’s retirement didn’t just impact last night’s game: after his retirement announcement five months ago, the average ticket price for Lakers home games increased by 33%, and away games by 26%.
  • Bryant has also personally gained: sales of Kobe merchandise on the website Fanatics.com have gone up by 500% in the past 30 days.
  • Who’s buying all this stuff? As expected, L.A. residents are the top bidders, but Hong Kong residents come in a close second. Yes, Kobe is basically a rock star in China.

INTERVIEW QUESTION OF THE DAY

In a certain country, half of five is three. If the same proportion holds, what is one third of 10? (Answer)

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STARTUP OF THE DAY

Affirm, an alternative lending company that PayPal co-founder Max Levchin founded, recently raised $100 million in an all equity round. Some of this new funding will go towards expansion and growth development.

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Thought Southwest was leading the domestic airline industry in on-time arrivals? Think again. A recent government ranking of domestic airlines has Hawaiian Airlines coming in tops with a 91.9% on-time arrival rate.

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