Here’s Your Early Bid For The Most Aggressive Sexual Tattoo Of 2016

I have to get a tattoo on January 20th for losing a traffic bet for losing to Rebecca Martinson. You dickfaces didn’t click on enough of my posts and now I have to get an exact replica of the new Kylie Jenner’s pink hip tattoo. I’ll make sure to think of each and every one of you as my father beats me with a tree branch. The bruises will heal, the humiliation is forever.

I don’t currently have a tattoo. I go back to the same puss-ass excuses as everyone without one–“I don’t have anyone or anything in my life I love permanently. Shit changes, relationships end. AIN’T THAT RIGHT DANIELLE DAVIDSON? I WANT MY FUCKING SWEATSHIRTS BACK!”

Anyway, I should stop pretending that tainting my body with some permanent ink is any more deplorable than eating an entire package of Totino’s Pizza Rolls in one sitting and take a more free-spirited approach to all this.

Take a page out of the below Englishman’s book.

The 23-year-old pawn shop employee recently got a giant, full-back tattoo of  “doing something I love.”

What is that he loves to do you ask? Some pictures say more than words ever could.

Nailed it.

Makes me feel better about my impending tattoo. Hell, I may even get a face tat. Thanks for the inspiration salad tossing guy!

[h/t Death and Taxes]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.