7 Requirements for a Kick-Ass Fourth of July Party

by 6 years ago

Screen Shot 2014-07-03 at 3.50.06 PM

Thankfully our founding fathers were smart. They realized Americans wouldn’t ever want to freeze their balls off celebrating this great nation’s birthday. They waited until the middle of the summer to sign the Declaration of Independence, allowing us to get sh*tfaced outside in tanks every year. Most people will agree that July 4 is the greatest day of the summer.  This is not just any day, this is MERICA’s day, dammit. With the 4th only a week away, here are some things that you should have at your party.

Red, White, and Blue Everything

One of the reasons that 4th of July parties are so great is because the theme is already decided, and it’s awesome. America. Outfits are easy because they can be absolutely anything that’s red, white, and blue, or the pattern of the American flag. Ideally bros have a sweet USA jersey of some kind, a patriotic tank, or even a flag to wear. If not, we can help you, or just rock your favorite summer gear.

Girls should be in something outrageously inappropriate. Really short sundresses and jean shirts are recommended (last year I wore a red bikini top and jean shorts). It’s one of the sluttier holidays. So says our new female intern. We like the way she thinks.

American Beer

As you probably know, the geniuses over at Budweiser released their American flag bottles and cans a few years back, and it’s just wrong to not have these at your party. It’s America’s birthday. Show some respect and enjoy our nation’s greatest beer, which also happens to have the greatest flag in the world on it. Seriously, what else are you possibly going to drink? Nothing will get the crowd feeling more patriotic than far too many American flag Buds.


Grilling and summer go hand in hand. There should be some Bros taking shifts flipping burgers and hot dogs for the party. This make everyone happy, and showing off some skills on the barbeque can’t hurt your chances with the girl whose bun you just toasted.

Some Type of Game

While numerous classic drinking games should be at your party, so should at least one backyard or beach game that everyone can enjoy.  Remember, the 4th of July should be the ultimate summer party, so everybody crammed around the beer pong table doesn’t cut it.  Some possibilities are bocce, corn hole, Kan Jam, or anything that every dude or girl at the party can step outside and have fun playing. Volleyball nets are great too, but stay away from that if you want to avoid serious competition and possible injury. It’s bound to happen.


Whether you enjoy fireworks or not there is no denying that the tradition needs to be upheld.  Hopefully your town or city puts on a show that is within view of your party, and everyone can take a few minutes to watch and think about how awesome America is. If not, the amateur route is always an option, but be aware that a blown-up hand is not a good end to the night.

Classic Rock

While I’m not saying that your playlist should solely consist of Billy Joel’s greatest hits, it’s not a successful summer party, let alone 4th of July without some classic rock sing-alongs. A little Bruce Springsteen is a must, and Bryan Adams’ “Summer of 69” is definitely not going to hurt anyone.

Proximity to a Beach, Lake, Pool, etc.

Again, the 4th of July should be the wildest, and all-around best party of the summer.  Some type of water source only makes summer parties better. If you’re fortunate enough to be at a beach house for the 4th, that’s probably the ultimate (extra points if your fireworks are over the water). However, have no fear if that’s not an option. A pool party would make for an excellent time as well, and even has the edge in that chicks would be in bikinis. Not at a beach, lake, river, pool, or any other body of water? That’s perfectly fine. Slip n’ Slide.

If you can combine all of these at your party next week, it’s bound to be a good time for everyone. Let us know in the comments if you think we forgot anything, and most importantly, happy birthday America.