Starbucks
Being a boyfriend is hard work, I imagine. I’m sure there’s lots of … texting? Probably so much texting. You gotta text back, and not text the wrong thing, and I bet that’s stressful.
But you can win yourself some kick ass, pretty fucking easy boyfriend points by telling your girlfriend that Starbucks has a new, Red Velvet-flavored Frappuccino and, “Oh, look, what’s this? Oh, it’s just a Red Velvet Frappuccino that I picked up for you on my way over here.”
That way, you won’t get yelled at for not getting her one, because you are a good boyfriend and not a bad boyfriend.
Red Velvet Cake not her thing? What the hell ass weird, non-basic girl are you dating?
Starbucks still got you tho. Because they have five other new Frappuccino flavors that are sure to make your lady swoon.
Seriously, I’m almost jealous of you all in relationships right now. It’s gonna be so easy for you this summer. “Honey. Let me buy you a Frap. Then let’s have post Frap, caffeinated sex”
The rest, in escalating order of basic-ness, are:
Cotton Candy
Caramel Cocoa Cluster
Cinnamon Roll
Lemon Bar
Cupcake
Man, you gotta really respect the way Starbucks is going in on the basic bitch phenomenon a year late. That’s good #brand.