New Species Of Octopus Is More Bro Than You, Has Lady Octopi Over To His Place For Days-Long Sex Seshes

by 4 years ago


If you think dealing with the human ladies is bad, imagine being an octopus. Not only are women octopi bigger, stronger, and angrier than their mans, when they fuck, they get pissed.

And it ain’t easy to get a lady octopus pregs. The male has to stick his sperm in there with his arm. Aquatic fisting. Yea. It’s fucking real. It’s hot.

Some males will even willingly sacrifice those arms just to stay alive. Listen to this god awful scene painted by the BBC:

In one instance, she and her colleagues observed two day octopuses mating on a reef in Indonesia. After about 15 minutes of copulation, the female lunged and wrapped two arms around the male’s bulbous body, his mantle. A few minutes later, the male was motionless. The female then carried the corpse to her den, where he presumably became dinner.

Makes dealing with some post-coital snuggles not seems so bad, huh?

But one newly discovered species of octopus is confounding researchers. Instead of being a scared, timid dweeb, he’s a fucking Bro.

This octopus invites the ladies back to his den, and ain’t worried about being eaten after. Nah, he romances the dick off of ’em (or vagina, or whatever female octopi have (probably not dicks)). So says the New York Times.

While most octopuses live alone, coming together for ever-so-brief and dangerous mating, couples of this species can live together to mate for a few days in the same cramped den or shell.

While other male octopuses mate from a distance to avoid being cannibalized, these octopuses mate entangled beak-to-beak. That style could almost be thought of as romantic, said Alvaro Roura, an octopus expert at La Trobe University in Australia, who wasn’t part of the study.

Yea dawg, fuck city, population you, you fucking octopus.

When’s the last time you had a mulit-day romp with a woman? Never?

Like I said, this octopus is more Bro than you.

[Via @Slade]