You’ve Never Tried Harder At Anything In Your Life Than This Obese Dude Trying To Get Out Of His BMW

Can’t wait to see how badly I get raked over the coals by over-sensitive social justice warriors claiming that I’m “fat shaming.” Our very own Rebecca Martinson, ya know the girl who coined the phrase “cunt punt” and once referred to a girl as a “cow in a human suit,” alluded to me being insensitive by mocking this dude but c’mon–that car is fit for Tyrion Lannaster and you’re opening the suicide doors to be laughed at if you’re going to buy a showy Matchbox car and you’re built like an 18-wheeler.

Bottom life is that life is about playing to your strengths–I wouldn’t buy skinny jeans because I’ve skipped leg day for 28 years, wouldn’t show up to a book reading because I still sound out words, and sure as fuck wouldn’t buy a small car if my FUPA is bigger than the air bags. You can call me an asshole or a prick, but don’t you dare call me a liar.

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