This Old Dude’s Craigslist Ad Looking For A Weekly Happy Ending Is Everything I Aspire To Be In 40 Years


Odds are, you, the person reading this, is a young chap with a functional metabolism, a zest for life, and goals and dreams to chase. Your whole life is ahead of you and if you relentlessly follow your passions, you can change the fucking world. That’s some exciting shit. But, 40 years from now, your whole existence on this planet is going to be more or less set in stone. At 62 years old, you’re basically the dude at the club at 3 am when the lights come on and there’s only toothless women left to be scooped for the taking. There’s not much left for you to conquer.

You may think that’s a sad reality, but I’d argue that being older brings about a sense of unparalleled liberation. The intense stresses and expectations one puts on himself as a young bro are no longer an anchor, and no little shit on Facebook is going to change your worldview with their egotistical rants. You can just be who you are. And if you want a fucking hand job every day of your life, no trivial facade of societal norms is going to deter you from doing that.

So instead of fighting the idea of getting older, please take solace in this 62-year-old bro who put out a Craiglist ad to live out the rest of his days in pure bliss, free of judgement.


Good on you, grandpa. Don’t let anyone stop you from living your best life. Not even your girlfriend, I guess.

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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.