I’ve never seen a Star Wars movie. I know, I’m the asshole. I’v gone 28 years by nodding unknowingly and fake laughing at all Yoda jokes. I wish I could go back and change my childhood so I can find out why Luke’s father was a black tin man, but alas, I can’t change the past. And if I could, believe me, I wouldn’t start with seeing movies about fucking space ships.
I suppose I could start watching them tonight instead of speed-swiping on Tinder, but I won’t. I won’t because of sociopath Star Wars fans like these jackasses who thought the galaxy was imploding when the projector crashed at a Hollywood theater of this weekend’s Star Wars: Horse Awakens premier.
Do me a favor. Imagine showing an iPhone to a poor person in Sierra Leone. Then imagine opening up an application of your hand-held computer that brings up a every conceivable video of all the beautiful things they’ll never be able to experience. Then show them a video of these assholes hurling vitriol at this pimple-faced, 15-year-old theater employee for a 5-minute glitch in their movie about a robotic trash can. Then give them some bread or something dude. Don’t be a dick.
Check yo’ privilege.