Psychologist Reveals The 10 Signs That It’s Time To Dump Your Girlfriend, Just In Time To Avoid Buying Xmas Gifts

Guys, do you know what time it is? All together now! Breakup time!!! Two weeks before Christmas is one of the most popular times of year for couples to call it quits. This may be due to the daunting task of picking out the *PeRfEcT* Christmas gift for your partner or maybe to capitalize on the prospect of going home for the holidays and hooking up with the one who got away back in high school. I don’t know. I’m no relationship expert, isn’t that right PAIGE?! Please return my calls.

But the shitty thing about being in a shitty relationship is that almost always, you’re the last one to come to terms with it. While your buddies are talking shit behind your back, often times we continue to be the masters of our own demise, seemingly powerless to unchain the shackles. Well hopefully, these tell-tale signs of a doomed relationship will help you come to terms with cutting ties.

These 10 signs were revealed by Rachel Maclynn, a psychologist and relationship expert from The Vida Consultancy, first published on Daily Mail. The italic commentary below are from me, Matt Keohan, an expert on bottling up my feelings and blowing up at the wrong time. Enjoy.

1.) You’ve lost your sparkle

Your friends may be the first to point out to you that you just don’t seem yourself. Being in an unhappy relationship can take its toll and if you aren’t aware of what the problem is, your overall enthusiasm for life can become jaded.

What if you’ve never had a sparkle? I haven’t felt an authentic emotion in four years (drugs aside).

2.) You’re easily irritated by your partner.

You find yourself constantly rolling your eyes and tutting at the most insignificant things your partner does.

Keep leaving clumps of hair in the shower drain, see what happens babe. 

3.) You go off sex or intimacy 

Most people expect their sex drive to slow down once they are in a relationship, but if you feel no physical arousal at all when your partner gets close you, then there could be a more serious issue at play.

After the honeymoon stage, the only person I can get to touch my package is my doctor. Watch your eye, doc. This thing has a mind of its own.

4.) You find yourself wanting to spend more time alone.

Unhappy couples gradually veer away from each other and rather than replacing couple time for time with friends, a sign of true unhappiness is spending an abnormally amount of time on your own.

Alright babe. I’m heading out to play tennis. Nah, you stay here and chill. I’m just going to hit the ball and walk to the other side to hit it back. Love you!

5.) You stop complimenting your partner.

We tend to reflect our feelings onto others, so if someone is making you unhappy, you will subconsciously stop wanting to make them happy.

You know it’s getting bad when you can’t even say words you don’t mean.

6.) Your confidence level drops.

You may find yourself questioning your level of attractiveness, because whether your partner know it or not, he/she is making you feel unhappy in yourself, which contradicts how a partner should make you feel.

It’s tough to have confidence when you’re forced to sleep on the couch three times a week.

7.) You stop looking forward to coming home from work.

When you’re living with a partner who makes you unhappy, you’ll subconsciously avoid being in that person’s presence. All of a sudden spending a few more hours at work becomes more appealing.

Oh those TPS reports are due next Thursday. Let me bang them out tonight so I can hate myself just a bit less.

8.) You stop planning trips away with your partner.

Planning for the future is something we instinctively do when we are in love.

How bout we plan a trip to the Rainforest…Cafe. Then I’ll go get hammered with my bros. Kiss kiss.

9.) You take less pride in your appearance. 

Do you find yourself not putting the effort in you used to to look good on a night out with your partner? You will also feel indifferent when your partner tells you that you look good.

Her: Babe, it’s our anniversary.

Me:

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dress for the job you want

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10.) You belittle your partner in front of your friends.

When you feel unhappy in a relationship you start to lose respect for your partner, so shaming him/her publicly becomes a tell-tale sign that something is fundamentally wrong within the relationship.

Ok this is just mean. If you do this, you’re a monster who doesn’t deserve love.

If you are experiencing many or all of these symptoms, Tinder is like shooting fish in a barrel.

[h/t Daily Mail]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.