A Crazy Brawl Broke Out In The Middle Of A Publix Deli Because Apparently This Is How You Find A Mate In Florida

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As a born and raised Floridian (family’s been there since the 40’s), I can tell you that in order to find someone to mate with in Florida the most effective tactic is to go to the Publix Deli, where Shopping Is A Pleasure, order a Boar’s Head Ultimate Sub (or chicken finger sub) and then proceed to start throwing punches. Unlike for most species where mating rituals are specific to gender and/or sex, this mating ritual of throwing haymakers at the Publix Deli works whether or not you’re a man or a woman. This mating ritual of which I’m discussing is exactly what you can see here, in this video taken at a Publix in Temple Terrace, Florida:

Publix, like meth, is a staple of life in the Sunshine State. Except for those extremely rare occasions when we’re feeling fancy enough to go to Whole Foods and buy one tiny block of cheese we Floridians do all of our shopping at Publix. Likewise we perform all of our elaborate MMA-based mating rituals in the Publix Deli. Don’t ask me why, there’s no rhyme or reason to why throwing punches at Publix (where “Shopping Is A Pleasure”) gets you laid, but it does.

For those of you that don’t prefer video, here’s a few GIFs of the Publix Deli Florida Mating Ritual:


[Facebook / Ashley Glass – ABC Action News]