Pumpkin Spice: 10 Pieces Of Evidence It Jumped The Shark

pumpkin spice latte


A new pumpkin spice product hits the shelf every 3.8 seconds*. That’s a faster rate than fatalities during the Black Death. Does that make this the Orange Death?

Sorry for trivializing a 600+ year old pandemic, but it was the only way to truly show how out of control things have gotten. It was all well and good when it was just pumpkin pie around Thanksgiving. Then Starbucks put pumpkin spice lattes it in every woman’s hand and the rest of the coffee shops weren’t far behind. Now not only does Starbucks start serving them in March, the Orange Death is finding its way into products with which it has no business fraternizing. Here are just a few pieces of evidence that pumpkin spice has jumped the shark.

1. JIF Whipped Pumpkin Pie Spice Peanut Butter

In what world do pumpkin pie and peanut butter go together? And stop trying to be the next Nutella with this “whipped spread” shit.

jif pumpkin pie spice peanut butter


2. Extra Pumpkin Spice Gum

Gross. Plain and simple. Bazooka Joe would never stand for this sort of nonsense.

extra pumpkin spice gum


3. Durex Pumpkin Spice Condoms

Sure they aren’t real, but I’ll bet you could get the most blowjobs if they were.

durex pumpkin spice condom


4. Pinnacle Pumpkin Pie Vodka

This one really shouldn’t be a surprise. Pinnacle is the king of ridiculous flavored vodka, with options like Cookie Dough and Cinnamon Roll.

pinnacle pumpkin pie vodka


5. Pumpkin Spice Oreo

I’ve had them, and they’re good, but why would I want a cookie that tastes like pumpkin pie? Pumpkin pie is already a dessert. A damn good one too.

Pumpkin Spice Oreo

Colin Joliat

6. Country Crock Pumpkin Spice

You know what I like my fake butter to taste like? Butter. I don’t need to be rubbing pumpkin on my head when it gets stuck between the banisters.

country crock pumpkin spice


7. Thomas Pumpkin Spice Bagels & English Muffins

I’ve never once thought, you know this bagel needs? A little more nutmeg and ginger. Hell, I wouldn’t even use pumpkin spiced cream cheese.

Thomas pumpkin spice bagels english muffins


8. Pumpkin Spiced M&Ms

The little anthropomorphic candies don’t have to worry about getting eaten at parties anymore because these sound terrible.

pumpkin spice M&Ms


9. Chobani Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt

This one actually makes sense considering that 89% of the people who drink pumpkin spice lattes also eat greek yogurt.

chobani pumpkin pie greek yogurt


10. Eggo Pumpkin Spice Waffles

Eggo was the last bastion of simple dude food, and then they went and made these. Is nothing sacred in this world?

eggo pumpkin spice waffles


*Completely made up.

Have you seen any other abominations? Let me know!


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