Reporter Gets Busted Playing Pokemon Go During A State Department Briefing Because #SummerFridays

I mean I’d like to say I was appalled that Pokemon Go has infiltrated presumably important government briefings, but that speaker could not have been less inspired. “Ya ISIS is still the enemy, those guys suck. Whatever, we all die in the end anyway. I need a beer.” Speak with some purpose bruh. It really instills a sense of national pride to know that even our country’s highest government factions mail it in on Fridays. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the State Department spokesperson lit up a joint mid speech. We all do shitty work on Fridays in the dog days of summer, but at least fake it for me so I can mooch off of the hard work and sacrifices of others protecting this country with a clear conscience.

P.S. What are the odds ISIS is all in on Pokemon Go? over/under 400%.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.