This Shape-Shifting Polymer Might Make Any Dude’s Next Pair Of Jeans Straight Up Tailored Fit Off His Body Heat

Ever feel like that slim-fit J Crew bitch-ass business getup ain’t fitting round your frame? The frame you sweated and exchanged random bench-press blows from the wolverine-esque hairy-ass dude that could barely lift the goddamn bar for? Yeah well, this shit’s about to change that game. You even hit the treadski (treadmill) for a family jog paced cruise a few times.

Well, the geniuses over at The University of Rochester circle-jerked and spawned some straight clutch fabric that might spare us all from having to deal with stomaching future distilled creatine-ball juice from the next jabronie that couldn’t keep his man sweat in his pants, or ‘dex, or tank, or sweatshirt, or whatever. In understandable scientific terms: the polymer strands inhibit crystallization, which normally prevents whatever dirty tattered ghetto rag you might wear on a given day from molding to your oiled bod; but these guys figured out a way to tweak the number and substance of links so that you can essentially customize the temperature where that awesome real-time, custom-mold fit shit’s happening.

Oh, and the real kicker here with this new material is that its elasticity affords it the capability to lift something a thousand times its weight. So pretty much some Spiderman websilk is about to be coming to a store near you soon.