Studies Say Ebola Could Hit The U.S. In Late September, So… Let’s Do This, Dystopian Future

by 6 years ago


There’s a decent chance that the Ebola virus will not hit the United States in late September, but I don’t want to address that potential right now. Why? Because I want to talk about our post-apocalyptic, dystopian future, after an intercontinental biological virus ravages our population.

I’m in. 2014 is so fucking boring. Sure, life is wonderful and we have the best TV and quality, locally-sourced food and all that jazz hands, but I’m ready for the world to end. It will take a few days to adjust to the fact that you can’t YO your family to let them know you’re safe, but after that, it’s awesome time.

Think about it. No work whatsoever. No economy. No money. No need for basic social decorum. You can steal and thieve and kill and take drugs in public and nobody will care because everyone is dying of Ebola. Is it really that cool to preserve a nation 17 trillion dollars in debt? No, fuck it. Let’s tack an ‘Abandoned’ sign on the Statue of Liberty and forget we ever existed. Third world, here we come!

Think about it some more. No email. No fucking email. Sound glorious? I would trade no institutionalized currency for no pizza delivery. That seem fair. Life would be grand. Yes, it will be hard, and we’ll all die, but life is already hard and we already die.

Why not mix things up? Live a little bit of ‘The Road.’ Decaying, crumbling society is the new gentrification.

Unfortunately, science says there’s only an 18 percent chance Ebola will hit here. Probably means there’s an even smaller possibility the world will collapse.

But a guy can dream.

[Via Gawker; Image via Shutterstock]

TAGSEbolaunited states