Ted Cruz Makes His Return To Capitol Hill And Literally No One Is Happy To See Him

by 3 years ago

Ted Cruz is the political equivalent of that kid from college that one of your friends lived with and hence you were never able to get rid of him. “Hey let’s go to that frat party up on the hill.” “Is your roommate coming?” “Yeah uh…he said he wants to come party with us.” *audible sigh from everyone in the room as they all remember the time that the roommate kept telling rape jokes to girls because he doesn’t understand that they’re not socially acceptable*.

So it’s really not a surprise that literally no one in DC is happy to have Teddy “It’s Impossible To Fully Illustrate How Much I Suck” Cruz back in action. So of course Cruz capitalized on his return by parking like a douchebag on his first day back in the office.


I mean, yeah, I doubt that anyone on Capitol Hill is really hurting for a parking space, but have a little common courtesy. If you had won the presidential election, that’d be one thing. But you lost and are also driving around GMC Terrain like a high school kid who just discovered the joys of off-roading. Which, surprisingly, seems to have rubbed the rest of Capitol Hill the wrong way.

Via AOL News:

…on Thursday, “He came and he spoke at that lunch, and he said, ‘I didn’t really want to come back to the Senate.’ And John McCain stood up and said, ‘Well, we didn’t really want you back, either,'” Manu Raju reported on CNN.

His colleagues have made their feelings on Cruz well known, and his time on the campaign trail didn’t help things.

“If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you,” Sen. Lindsey Graham famously said.

All that considered, Cruz is looking to spend more time in Washington, D.C. He says he will run for re-election in 2018.

Wow, Lindsey Graham coming out of nowhere with the dopest burn the hallowed halls the District of Columbia has ever heard. Also, this kind of reminds how much I missed McCain. Guy couldn’t lift his arms over his head but he bagged a smokeshow for a wife, 61 or not. Unfortunately, I feel like Ted Cruz is going to be that guy who never goes away. Politics aside, there’s just no way to like him. Maybe Graham will actually set up some Ides of March shit and get Cruz knifed on the floor of the Senate. Which would be ok, because it’s only murder if anyone misses the victim. Otherwise, it’s natural selection.


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