50 Things Guys In Their 20s Will Likely Do This Summer


Summer is upon us. Not officially, but when the weather gets north of 70-degrees, it’s fucking summer. Any other argument is just splitting hairs. Here are 50 things that guys in their 20s will definitely do this summer. Probably.

Oh, and before I start…yes, I know I totally nailed it with the top photo. What a crew.

  1. Get stoned with a complete stranger, bond for life; never speak ever again.
  2. Remove sand from somewhere sand shouldn’t be.
  3. Try to have sex in a hammock.
  4. Stare at your neighbor’s daughter sunbathing; offer her a beer.
  5. Fall asleep in a park and wake up with a sunburn.
  6. Play soccer for ten minutes then give up.
  7. Make out with an Australian girl at a concert.
  8. Buy a dumb hat and sunglasses out of necessity.
  9. Get caught singing in your car with your windows down in traffic.
  10. Try to impress girls on the beach with your football skills.
  11. Make direct eye contact with a girl, then look directly into her cleavage.
  12. Take a piss in the ocean.
  13. Show up to a friend’s “huge” barbecue; thirty dudes and three girls.
  14. Get someone’s dad to do a kegstand.
  15. Watch fat people eat ice cream disapprovingly.
  16. Close the curtains to get the glare off the TV.
  17. Get angry at the asshole who brought the acoustic guitar to the party.
  18. End up at a complete stranger’s house party; end up hitting on someone underage.
  19. Day drink and fall asleep by 5pm.
  20. Get stung by a bee and act like it didn’t hurt.
  21. Get stuck working the BBQ at a party.
  22. Stare longingly at every girl in a sundress.
  23. Get dripped on by an air conditioner.
  24. Hurt a nephew or niece.
  25. Go shirtless somewhere inappropriate.
  26. Drunkenly fall in a bush.
  27. Drunkenly fall in a pool.
  28. Drunkenly fall up a porch stair well.
  29. Remove a splinter with a knife.
  30. Try rock climbing once; brag to girls in bars that you’re a rock climber.
  31. Realize swimming in deep water is much harder than you remembered.
  32. Secretly get freaked out by something on the ocean floor touching your foot.
  33. Lose your red solo cup at a party and take someone else’s.
  34. Try to organize a game of kick ball.
  35. Hide your wallet and cellphone in your shoes.
  36. Kill a bug for a girl; only get a peck on the cheek as thanks.
  37. Do too many Jello Shots.
  38. Almost get bit by a dog.
  39. Leave work early to drink outside.
  40. Burn your ass on a car seat.
  41. Get stuck at a friends wedding in their backyard.
  42. Try to remove your nut sack from your leg without anyone noticing.
  43. Have sex in a tent.
  44. Ruin a pair of white sneakers.
  45. Get your sandals stolen at a water park.
  46. Drink out of a hose.
  47. Have a water gun fight; sometimes indoors.
  48. Almost fight a random teenager on the street; walk away because teens are fucking crazy.
  49. Light off fire crackers.
  50. Have to explain that “the water was really cold.”

Bread Foster is a NYC comedian. Follow him on twitter, or don’t, he’s not that important @BreadFoster