This Weekend Hundreds Of People Will Celebrate ‘A Decade Of Mustache’ In St. Louis

While founded in 1965, the non-partisan American Mustache Institute (AMI) first entered the public consciousness in 2006, exploding onto the scene in a cloud of rugged good looks at a time when facial hair was deemed unacceptable in broader social, professional and exotic dancing circles.

Over the past decade, however, AMI’s militant advocacy and laser cocksmanship changed the way bare-faced mortals perceive and accept mustaches, beards and goatees, moving from a perception of fear, to one of recognized sexual dynamism and leadership. The impact – the growth of facial hair from 27.3 percent to 53.7 percent across the faces of American men and women – has dramatically enhanced rugged good looks on a global scale while ushering facial hair into popular prominence to the point where douchebags like Ryan Seacrest and Joe Buck now wear beards.

“There’s a good goddamn reason the American Mustache Institute is broadly considered the bravest organization in the history of mankind behind only the U.S. Military and the post-Jim Henson Muppets,” said Dr. Adam Paul Causgrove, AMI chief executive officer.

In commemorating AMI’s prescient leadership, this weekend Dr. Causgrove and his administrative staff travel to St. Louis to oversee what is expected to be a magnanimous “Decade of Mustache” celebration on Aug. 6 beginning at 2pm in downtown St. Louis. The days events are expected to include:

  • 2 pm:A deeply heartfelt and meaningful fireside chat by Dr. Causgrove at St. Louis’ Tiny Bar, with complimentary craft beer – a specially brewed Flavor Saver Lager – provided by Schlafly Beer.
  • 3:30 pm:Led by the brass players of St. Louis funk band Hazard to ya Booty, a parade featuring high kicking, fist-pumping and karate chops en route to St. Louis Ballpark Village.
  • 4:00 pm:A sexually dynamic and free performance by Chicago’s The Flavor Savers at the outdoor stage at St. Louis Ballpark Village.
  • 6:15 pm: Dr. Causgrove throws out first pitch at St. Louis Cardinals vs. Atlanta Braves game in Busch Stadium.

“I can only say ‘you’re welcome, America,’” added Dr. Causgrove. “We’ve set the table, paved the way, and made sure people of facial hair could have jobs, could eat at the same tables, be paid as much as bare-faced mortals. Never forget. Never forget.”

Aaron Perlut is a writer, host of the Load Out Music Podcast, the front man for country-rock band Atomic Junkshot, and the founder of creative agency Elasticity.