I’m a little baffled by this map from Estately. Sure, sure, states like Pennsylvania and Ohio are going to have miserable Thanksgivings because the weather blows there, but why is Florida not in the light-colored echelon? It’s by far the warmest of the connected 48 states, not to mention it’s where I will be all next week, because FUCK THIS DOG SHIT NORTHERN WEATHER.
And just so you know how and why Estately ranked your state the way they did, below are all the factors that lead to Ohio being the most miserable place on earth this Thanksgiving and/or always. (I kid. I have nothing but love for you, Ohio. But not as much love as I have for Hawaii. God, I yearn for Hawaii.)
When you really look at what factors were used to compile the rankings for this map, you realize how ridiculous it is. Literally none of these things, save for my mother undercooking the turkey — which she would never do because she’s a beast in the kitchen — or the weather, could negatively affect my holiday. As far as I’m concerned, the binge drinking I do will only further enhance my entire family’s Thanksgiving experience. So yeah, you’re fuckin’ welcome in advance, Mom and Dad.