Uber Driving Bro Spits Hot FIRE For A Car Full Of Impressed Chicks, May Or May Not Have Had An Orgy After

This dude has it all figured out. Instead of going to a bar and blowing money buying girls drinks and trying to convince them you’re not a serial killer, the move is to bring a flock of chicks into your pristine Dodge Caravan with ice cold air conditioning and spit B-Rabbit bars, all while they pay you for it. The best part is the dude can skip the call to action all together and avoid asking for a number, thanks to the ‘contact your Uber driver’ feature. It’s a sad reality to come to terms with that tonight I’ll be at an overpriced NYC bar spitting game to anything with four limbs and daddy issues trying not to puke on myself while this dude rolls around in the Bang Bus, spitting A+ bars, and getting that Uber money. We’re all zigging, while this guy’s zagging. Brilliant.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.