Some Of The Ugliest Prostitutes On The Face Of The Planet Got Arrested And It’s Probably For The Best

Whether you’re a bro or a lady-bro, we’ve all woken up next to someone who looked like the funhouse mirror version of the person you took home the night before. If you’re sitting there saying to yourself “Nope, not me” then, hate to break it to you, you’re the one who took a trip down funhouse lane. The easiest way to tell is to look into their eyes right when they wake up. If their eyes widen and their pupils dilate before they say anything, you’re sunk. I’m definitely not speaking from experience (yes I am), but everyone always speaks with their eyes.

The real kicker, for me personally, would be being so drunk that you pay someone to sit on your dick without even fully comprehending what they looked like. Which, I’m assuming, is the strategy these prostitutes in Memphis adopted as their business model.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words, which is pretty much the rhetoric that Memphis’ Fox13 must have been going for here by writing literally no words about this story but instead just posting all the women’s mugshots, which play out much like a horror novel when you imagine that, maybe, just maybe, you could have been one of their victims had you found yourself New Year’s Eve drunk while simultaneously in Memphis on payday.

These are only 6 out of the 10 women busted, but you get the idea. And yes, that woman only seems to have one eye and another two do seem to have shared the same bottle of red hair dye. Why? Not sure. I always thought dark red hair was reserved for superheroes and horror movie villains. How is that sexy? The one eye I can maybe see. It’s a conversation point. “Do you still see well out of the other eye?” “Well enough to know that you look like a man I want to fuck.” Really, I’d argue that these women committed two crimes. 1) Prostitution and 2) Preying on clearly very intoxicated or very lonely individuals. That should be the real crime. Sure, in the right light and from the right angle, a man who is blackout drunk may be able to mistake the chick with one eye for a Connie Britton look-alike. But once that dude wakes up, his whole world comes crashing down around his ears. This is why you don’t drink and go hooker-surfing, bros. You’ll end up washed ashore on Shame Island with nothing to show for it but an empty wallet, a heavy-heart and scheduled visit from the STD Fairy.