I used to loved talking shit about Uber. LOVED IT. If I heard someone at a party mention that they had just taken one, I’d slide over to their conversation and essentially become the host of an exclusive 20-minute Vice news takedown on Uber (without the tattoos and pube beard). And I had good reason to talk 24/7 shit about Uber.
I think everyone can agree that Uber as a company is flawed from a moral perspective. It might have something to do with up to 177 Uber employees who ordered and cancelled ride requests for their biggest competitor Lyft, which tied up their driving force with false requests. It might be the fact that Uber drivers are mistreated and underpaid, no matter what they say with a smile while they’re driving you home at 2 A.M. from a dive bar (or club if your jeans cost over $125). Or it could be that a top executive at Uber has been quoted as suggesting the company should invest in a research team to dig up personal dirt on writers that are critics of Uber in attempt to retaliate (if this isn’t true, I take it all back. Uber is fucking swell. Not morally reprehensible in the least). I cannot confirm or deny reports that the CEO of Uber has taken your childhood pet hostage and is about to shove his penis into him/her.
However, the most troubling thing I’ve found is the company’s stance when it comes to the behavior of their drivers. These days it feels like I can’t get through my twitter feed without seeing news of an Uber driver being connected to horrific behavior. You know, harassment, assault with a deadly weapon aka bashing a fare’s head in with a hammer and even rape. And I get it, there are evil cabbies out there too. Bad people exist in every walk of life. But what is truly alarming is the company’s reaction to stories like this. Uber doesn’t consider their drivers employees, and when stomach-churning stories like these pop up, Uber is quick to remind us all of this . It’s a slick way of sidestepping any sort of responsibility when things with their company go horribly wrong. Meanwhile, the company is essentially printing money.
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And then I fucking tried it. CHRIST ON A BIKE. Working in TV in New York can throw some wild work hours your way, so getting home at night is always a bitch. Cabs are available in popular areas, but the extremities of any borough in NY are going to be light on cabs, especially late at night. One fateful fall eve at 4 a.m., in a fit a frustration from not being able to find a car service that would pick me up (a routine I’d faced countless times), I downloaded the god damn app, plugged in my debit card and in minutes was on my way home in a warm, sweet smelling Toyota Avalon (or whatever the fuck it was).
This was just the beginning. Soon enough Uber essentially replaced cabs for me. Shitfaced at a bar? Uber! Headed to the airport? Uber! Period sex on a first date? Well, bathroom first. Then Uber! It’s so much more convenient than walking your ass to a corner in 11 degree weather and fighting off three other desperate city dwellers for a cab (I DON’T CARE IF YOU WERE HERE FIRST GRANNY, THE HOT DOG GUY IN FRONT OF MY APARTMENT CLOSES UP SHOP IN 10). There’s a feeling of advanced intelligence associated with ordering an Uber. It felt as though I was rightly abandoning a convoluted, archaic transportation system with help of my brainy buddy technology. And it’s all through my fucking phone! Bless you tech moguls of San Francisco.
I tried to keep my secret Uber use hush hush, but like any good addiction, my habit couldn’t stay under wraps forever. Remember those people I used to chastise for using Uber? My friends? Yeah they didn’t take too kindly to Uber Lovin’ Mark. They called him a hypocrite and a fucking asshole and they weren’t wrong. I’m definitely embarrassed about doing a 180 on using something I spoke out about, but it’s given me perspective on the moral makeup of country’s biggest companies.
I remember in college, my close friend and neighbor, Greta, hated when I ordered Domino’s. She claimed the CEO’s contributed to a number of anti-pro choice groups and that any money I spent on pizza goes toward that. Now I’m very pro choice, and I took Greta’s opinions very seriously. But that’s, bullshit I thought. I’m not paying the salary of some DC lobbyist to push along pro life. I was ordering a large pepperoni and pineapple with chicken kickers (I WAS STONED ALRIGHT?).
But Greta didn’t stop. Anytime she smelled Domino’s in the dorm, she was on my ass telling me not order Domino’s again. And you know what? It fucking worked. One night, being stoned enough to think the movie Inception made sense, I found some mom and pop pizzeria open late in DC that delivered good pizza and boneless wings. And that lead to a beautiful, two-year relationship of eating pizza that was not morally reprehensible AND tasted delicious while stoned.* Sure, it took about 20 minutes longer for delivery, but what the fuck was I doing anyway?
Greta popped into my head during my Uber shame period. And now I use Lyft when I need a car. Or Hailo. Are the cars as nice? Or as numerous? Hell no. But I don’t feel like goddamn charlatan using them in front of friends. And inside, you know I’m feeling good.
So are you a shitbag if you use Uber? It’s not that cut and dry. Research any company you habitually use. Think about what your support (READ: MOOLAH) goes toward. Using Uber doesn’t mean you champion all of these horrible things the company exemplifies per se. But you yourself has to make the decision on whether you prioritize shaky morals over comfort and efficiency. Whatever let’s you sleep at night, bud.
* That pizza tasted like shit when sober.