Miserable Vegans Strike Down Upon Doughnut Shop With Great Vengeance And Furious Anger For The Dumbest Reason Ever

Pip’s Original Doughnuts in Portland, Oregon looks like they make phenomenal fried dough treats.




My mouth is jizzing.

People on Yelp have nothing, but verbal bouquets to throw at the fancy doughnut shop, awarding Pip’s with a 4.5 stars from 833 reviews.

There are lines out the fucking door to get these awesome dough discs.

The artisanal mini-doughnut shop recently posting a job opportunity (Which nearly prompted me to hand in my resignation here to go make magnificent doughnuts, but they’re on the other side of the country).

Pip’s placed a posting for the possible position on Portland’s Poached. The only conceivable issue with the listing is that they are only hiring one or two part-time employees to inhale glorious doughnut essence all day long.


This is 2016 and everyone has a problem with everything.

This small doughnut shop, which gives employees $30 every paycheck to give to less fortunate people and provides breakfast and lunch for their employees, somehow angered people with their innocuous ad.

Vegans were infuriated with the job listing.

Nazi-like vegans took much umbrage with the listing because Pip’s wanted you to be able to eat all of their delicious doughnuts.


No non-medical, non-religious dietary restrictions that would stop you from tasting, accurately representing our food and maintaining quality control to maintain the highest standards of food safety and excellence. We serve products with meat ( including bacon) nuts, dairy, and our doughnuts contain wheat gluten.

No really. This is the reason people were furious because the donut shop wanted you to taste test their sublime bacon donuts.


Wretched vegans complained that this requirement was “discrimination.” Some agonized vegans flooded Pip’s Yelp with negative reviews for the harmless job listing.

If you’re some hardcore vegan then why the fuck would you want to work for an employer who assists the demand for slaughter of innocent animals? Shouldn’t you go work for a vegan restaurant of something?

Get the fuck out of here with your fake outrage.

Do you want to be a vegan? That’s awesome. More power to ya. I welcome your mistake, err I mean decision. More mouthwatering, salty, delectable pork belly for moi. But don’t go shoving your worthless opinion on the rest of us who cherish beautiful bacon and glorious gluten.

Hey vegans, maybe you wouldn’t be so pathetically miserable if you had some delicious bacon doughnuts once in a while.