Venezuela’s President Threatens To Throw Factory Workers In Jail Unless They Work Harder To End The Beer Shortage

There’s nothing worse than being right on the cusp of having an A+ buzz and realizing you’re out of beer. For one, you can’t drive and get more because, surprise, you’re drunk. Also, then you have no choice but to sober up and slowly feel the hangover creep over the horizon of your brain, headache in tow. It’s horrible.

This is the situation I’m assuming has driven Venezuelan president Nicolas Maduro to threaten beer factory owners and workers with imprisonment if they do not work to end the beer shortage the country is currently suffering.

Via Fortune:

President Nicolas Maduro threatened Saturday to take over idle factories and jail their owners following a decree granting him expanded powers to act in the face of a deep economic crisis. Maduro’s remarks came as Venezuela’s opposition warned the embattled leader that if he tries to block an attempt to hold a recall referendum, society could “explode.”

Last month the country’s largest food and beverage distributor, Empresas Polar, shut down its last operating beer plant. It says it has been unable to access hard currency to buy raw materials.

“If you obstruct the democratic way, we do not know what could happen in this country,” opposition leader Henrique Capriles said at one rally. “Venezuela is a bomb that could explode at any moment.”

Across town, Maduro ally Jorge Rodriguez vowed there would be no recall referendum.

“They got signatures from dead people, minors and undocumented foreigners,” Rodriguez said.

Opposition leaders deny any fraud in the signature drive.

I guess it’s true what they say about beer making the world go round? Who are the ‘they’ I’m referring to? You know…them. Regardless, I fully understand where Maduro is coming from. No beer at all? That’s definitely one of the circles of Hell. I would do anything to get my beer back. Even illegally jail a couple hundred people. I also respect the hustle from the opposing side. Presenting a petition filled with names of people who are dead or legally don’t exist? I know it’s only Monday but I think we can all comfortably call that one the powermove of the week. “Hey dad, that petition to get the beer factory back is here.” “Oh good, here’s a list of every dead person on the family plot. Write all those names down and then sign your own.” I mean, face it, Americans love beer, Venezuelans love beer, dead people love beer. Everyone loves beer because beer loves everyone back.