Things I’ve Learned About Myself Today:
- I’m fat (#dadbods are in, bro)
- I have a muscular face (jawline game strong)
- I go to the gym often (lol)
- I eat a lot of hamburgers from McDonald’s (Is someone following me?)
- I smoke and don’t give a fuck where I put it out (valid)
- I don’t carry an umbrella when it’s raining (because umbrellas are for responsible adults duhhhh)
- I’m stingy (Nope, just poor)
- I always want to play drinking games (Ok, take a shot every time someone shits on Americans.)
- The clothes I wear to bed are the clothes I wear in public (that’s because I usually pass out drunk in my clothes from that day.)
- I’m loud!! (you should hear your girl in the bedroom, bro. boomroasted)
- I’m confident (I contemplated approaching a girl at the bar last night but faked a stomach ache and took a cab home.)
- I SMELL LIKE FREEDOM (by far my best quality)
- I’m honest (I have a huge penis.)
- I’m positive (at least that’s what my results from the walk-in clinic say)
Tip of the cap to the happiest racist on the planet.
[H/T Pixable]