Watch People From Around The World Describe How To Spot An American If You Want To Feel Fat, Drunk, And Cheap

by 5 years ago

Things I’ve Learned About Myself Today:

  • I’m fat (#dadbods are in, bro)
  • I have a muscular face (jawline game strong)
  • I go to the gym often (lol)
  • I eat a lot of hamburgers from McDonald’s (Is someone following me?)
  • I smoke and don’t give a fuck where I put it out (valid)
  • I don’t carry an umbrella when it’s raining (because umbrellas are for responsible adults duhhhh)
  • I’m stingy (Nope, just poor)
  • I always want to play drinking games (Ok, take a shot every time someone shits on Americans.)
  • The clothes I wear to bed are the clothes I wear in public (that’s because I usually pass out drunk in my clothes from that day.)
  • I’m loud!! (you should hear your girl in the bedroom, bro. boomroasted)
  • I’m confident (I contemplated approaching a girl at the bar last night but faked a stomach ache and took a cab home.)
  • I SMELL LIKE FREEDOM (by far my best quality)
  • I’m honest (I have a huge penis.)
  • I’m positive (at least that’s what my results from the walk-in clinic say)

Tip of the cap to the happiest racist on the planet.

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[H/T Pixable]

Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.