What If Dating App Bios Were Honest?


Dating app bios usually contain a succinct one liner that shows off your wit, love of crossfit or smattering of emojis because life is too short to try to impress someone you’ll never speak to after the next morning.

Of course you’re not going to be completely honest, because the goal is to meet the other person before showcasing your true personality. But why not be honest with the potential object of your affection? Wouldn’t that just save us all time and overall make life easier?

That’s why these endearingly honest app bios should see the light of day, right bros?

My body makes up for my personality
I can get us a Dorsia reservation

I’m just looking for my slutty Holden Caulfield

Not outdoorsy but I can photoshop myself into a tent

STD free as of 2/1/16

I can probably drink you under the table

You’re probably already Eskimo brothers with most of your friends anyway

How do you feel about vajazzling?

U up?

Addicted to Red Bull because my wings melted when I flew too close to the sun

Only answer texts after 2 am

I’m harder to read than a Doctor’s handwriting


On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you from alimony

DTF (Down To Fake a relationship so I don’t get written out of the will)

Just here for revenge sex!

I’m a 10 after 8 beers

I’ll pretend to like football for you

You can keep your socks on

I’d make a better second wife anyway

I’m sterile

Proud to host the hamster rescue center of Manhattan in my studio apartment

My standards have never been lower

It’s been a slow down spiral after winning prom queen

It’s okay, I don’t like me either

Hooker with a heart of gold

“10/10 would do again but wouldn’t stay the night” – an ex

Sarah Solomon is a humor and fashion writer living out her delusions of grandeur in NYC. Follow her on @sarahsolfails or her parody account, @urbanJAP.