4 Things To Do On A Date To Make It Look Like You’re A Bro Who Knows His Wine
She finally agreed to go out on a date. A real date, like grown-ups, and not beer and wings somewhere in town.You’re fresh pressed, took a bunch of cash out of the joint account you share with mom and dad, and you’re ready to class it up real good. Remember to mind your manners, don’t yap with your mouth full, and maybe you should order something a little more adult than Natural Light cans.
Before dinner is perfect for a mixed drink but it’s hard to put down food with vodka. Big boy needs to try some wine. Big boy don’t know shit about wine. Big boy needs to read further.
We took big boy’s problems to bros who know about crushed grapes. Benoit Vialle, CMO of NakedWines, dispensed a few pointers for the modern bro who wants to know more about wine. Vialle’s first tip was good know — that price doesn’t always mean quality — but here are four other tips he shared that will make wine picking a much easier adventure.
Know Your Grapes, Son
In order to know what you’re ordering, and what you’re about to drink, it’s important to know that different grapes bring different characteristics to wine. Vialle explains “For Whites, the lighter bodied, crisp wines are Semillon, Riesling and Pinot Grigio. Sauvignon Blanc tends to sit in the middle, whilst Chardonnay and Viognier battle it out at the heavier end of town. For Red, the lighter bodied, red berry smelling wines are Pinot Noir, Sangiovese. Merlot and Tempranillo tends to sit somewhere in the middle, while Shiraz and Cabernet, tend to push their weight around, with much more black berry and tannin. It’s like the sensation you get when biting into a banana skin.”
Once you’ve mastered the grapes it’s easier to order a glass for you and your date. If you’re not sure, just make an educated guess. If you’re wrong, the worst that can happen is you’re sipping a glass of wine you’re not crazy about, but it’s still alcohol!
It’s Fine To Play With Wine
You can learn a lot about wine by playing with it but you’ll need to rely on your peepers for help. Evaluate wine by tilting and staring. First, take a straight angle view. This will allow you to see the wine’s complete color range. Next, a side view with the glass held up to the light shows you how clear it is. Clear is good. Next, tilting the glass so that the wine thins out toward the rim will tell you the wine’s age and weight.
Finally, check out some legs. On the wine, not your date, fool. Give the glass a good swirl by keeping it firmly on the table and making small circles. DON’T freestyle it and put the glass in the air while swirling. Wine all over you, the table, and your date is ill advised.
Get Your Sniff Before You Get Your Drink On
When the wine is brought to the table, don’t grab it and lap it down like a thirsty dog on a hot day. Smell that shit first.
It’s perfectly acceptable to stick your nose deep inside a glass of vino and take a big old sniff. “Much of the enjoyment comes from the smell,” explains Vialle, “so don’t be afraid to get your sniff on.” In some cases, the smell might be even better than the taste. The wine has two different smells — the aromas and the bouquet — so when a wine person (sommelier is the correct term) talks about a wine’s aromas, he’s referring to the primary and secondary aromas. When he talks about a wine’s bouquet, he is referring to its tertiary aromas.
“Yes, you can smell citrus, tropical fruit, vanilla, chocolate, grass etc in wine,” says Vialle, “and these fragrances occur thanks to fermentation and alcohol, which releases various compounds in the juice that were always present.”
Now…Get Your Drink On
Now that the sniffing is done, go ahead and take a drink. Take a sip, not a massive swallow, of wine into your mouth and try sucking on it as if pulling it through a straw. Keep the noises to a minimum, you’re freaking the chick out.
Leave the wine in your mouth for a little while. Try and pick up on all the flavors that you swore you detected with your sniffer.
“The most important thing to remember,” emphasizes Vialle, “is to relax. It’s only fermented grape juice.”