This Bro Was Just Trying To Poop In Peace, Instead He Ended Up Costing His Boss $250,000 In Repairs

by 3 years ago

The ‘work poop’ is easily among the top 3 greatest dumps known to man. Not only are you able to take a break from working while you drop logs but you’re also GETTING PAID to take that dump, whether you’re paid hourly or salaried. However, even though it’s one of the most exquisite types of dumps it CAN get out of control in a hurry if it begins to affect your workplace performance, your coworkers, or the office as a whole.

One bro learned firsthand how badly things can go when too much emphasis is placed on creating the PERFECT workplace dump. His story starts with him trying to drop logs in peace and ends with a $250,000 construction bill getting charged to his employer. This is a GREAT STORY, and one every bro should read. (via TIFU)

TIFU by costing my company $250,000.00 because of my bathroom requirements. And selfishness.

Obligatory “so this just happened.”
I’m really going to need to set the stage for this one.
I’m 27, and some questionable life decisions have lead me to a job that I am not quite thrilled by. I know, what a unique situation I’m in. Anyways, I’m an operations admin, which is a fancy way to say “secretary for an entire office.” It may surprise you to hear, then, that breaks are something I cherish rather dearly.
Even if I create them myself, I will not stand idly by while the break (I deemed necessary, and okay,) is taken from me. So I go to the bathroom.
Now, I don’t know about you guys, but nothing ruins my bathroom experience faster than sharing it with others. That won’t do, and there are like 4 other bathrooms.
So I discovered that I can lock the stall door beside me from the outside, rendering it inaccessible to anyone without this expert toilet stall knowledge. This was my apple dropping on head moment. This discovery was every bit as major as gravity. I could now shit and be confident I wouldn’t have to listen to somebody butt-trumpeting 24 inches away.
Things were good. For a time. There would be days where I would forget to unlock it. People would get annoyed, and they’d tell that guy who looks after this sort of thing to do something about it (guess who that guy is…)
After a summer of this, a rumour started. A rumour that the handicap stall was always broken. A rumour that was my fault, and literally my very job to share with important people. “hey shoob88 you tell HO about that problem yet?”
So I gave it up. But it was too late.
Today a procession of designers and engineers entered our office to begin designs on the new dedicated handicap stall. Because ours was always broken. We had failed one too many building inspections because of my habit.
Each bathroom will cost 80,000$ and each floor will be getting one.
It’s 100% my fault.

I’m guessing this dude also made it a point to never once take his shirt off at school while changing into his gym clothes? Didn’t ever shower after gym? Probably never played an organized sport that involved a constant sharing of space with other dudes his age?

Nobody loves sitting in a bathroom stall and hearing that ‘kerrrpllunk’ of poop hitting the water in the stall next to you, seeing your co-worker’s shoes from beneath the barrier and knowing it’s that new guy in the office that you haven’t spoken to yet and that he’ll now forever be the ‘VHX Sound Effects Loud Shitting Guy’. But you shouldn’t be spending that much time in the bathroom anyways.

Get in, handle your shit, get out. Who the hell wants to sit in the bathroom all day when it’s not your home bathroom? Think about how many other asses sit atop that toilet seat each afternoon. Is that really a place you want to spend an inordinate amount of time compared to your desk chair? No, no it’s not.

Anyways, it appeared the author of this story has since deleted the Reddit account he used to write that TIFU. Presumably he realized that most (if not all) of his coworkers also read Reddit and might figure out that it was him who caused the quarter million dollars in repairs.

(via TIFU)

TAGSBathroomspoop stuffpooping at workTIFU

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