The World’s Oldest Woman Claims To Have Eaten This Food Every Day Of Her Life (Hint: Rhymes With Shmacon)


It seems like every other day, ‘scientists’ and ‘experts’ are trying to ruin everything we love. Just this week, we learned that hot dogs are humans, steak gives you cancer, and listening to Justin Bieber’s new song shrinks your dick by up to an inch and a half.

Nothing is sacred anymore.

Well, that was before the world’s oldest woman vouched for something we all hold near and dear to our hearts: bacon.

116-year-old Susannah Mushatt Jones of Brooklyn, New York was recently awarded the title of world’s oldest woman by Guinness World Records–or in other words, the ‘Congratulations for Not Dying’ award.

According to Distractify, Susannah has survived this long due to adequate sleep and eating a daily breakfast of eggs, grits, and four strips of bacon. (She also hasn’t drank or smoked her entire life but erroneous, erroneous on all accounts.)

Oh ya, add this fact onto another win for bacon.

It’s basically a vegetable.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.