The 2019 MLB Attendance Report Is Out And The Miami Marlins Should Be Embarrassed To Show Their Faces In Public

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Remember that episode of South Park when Cartman hid all the ballots from the 2012 presidential election at a Hummer dealership because he knew no one would ever go there?

A 2019 version of the same episode would feature Cartman hiding those ballots under the bleacher seats of Marlins Park, which also happens to be the safest place to go if you’re a fugitive on the run.

In May, I suggested that more people came to my 12th birthday party than showed up to the Rays/Marlins game. Which is saying something because I was a fucking loser!

Suffice it to say, attendance hasn’t spiked in the five months since, with the regular season coming to a close and the Marlins being dead last in the league in attendance–both overall and average.

Via ESPN:

1. LA Dodgers — 3,974,309 — 49,065
2 St. Louis —  3,480,393 — 42,967
3 NY Yankees — 3,304,404 — 41,827
4 Chicago Cubs — 3,094,865 — 38,208
5 LA Angels — 3,023,010 — 37,321
6 Colorado — 2,993,244 — 36,953
7 Boston — 2,924,627 — 36,106
8 Milwaukee — 2,923,333 — 36,090
9 Houston — 2,857,367 — 35,276
10 Philadelphia — 2,727,421 — 33,671
11 San Francisco  — 2,707,760 — 33,429
12 Atlanta — 2,654,920 — 32,776
13 NY Mets — 2,442,532 — 30,531
14 San Diego  — 2,396,399 — 29,585
15 Minnesota — 2,294,152 — 28,322
16 Washington  — 2,259,781 — 27,898
17 Arizona — 2,135,510 — 26,364
18 Texas — 2,133,004 — 26,333
19 Cincinnati — 1,808,685 — 22,329
20 Seattle  — 1,791,937 — 22,122
21 Cleveland  — 1,738,642 — 22,008
22 Toronto — 1,750,144 — 21,606
23 Chicago White Sox — 1,629,636 — 21,442
24 Oakland — 1,662,211 — 20,521
25 Detroit  — 1,501,430 — 18,767
26 Kansas City — 1,479,659 — 18,495
27 Pittsburgh — 1,491,429 — 18,412
28 Baltimore  — 1,307,807 — 16,347
29 Tampa Bay  — 1,178,735 — 14,734
30 Miami  — 811,302 — 10,016

Ten thousand fans per game. For perspective, the Las Vegas Aviators, the franchise that lead the minor league in attendance, recently announced their franchise-record of over 650,000 fans.

They only play 70 home games.

[h/t The Big Lead]