The Attendance At The Dolphins/Jets Game Was Predictably Laughable

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The irony of two of the worst teams in the NFL playing against each other is that one of those teams has to win. Unfortunately for the tanking Dolphins, they were unable to hold off the shittiness of the New York Jets and pulled out the victory.

Handfuls of fans meandered into Hard Rock Stadium at, well, whenever they goddamn pleased to catch a tan and watch two abysmal teams  play tummy sticks.

Of the 65,326 available seats at Hard Rock Stadium, I’d venture to guess a good 40,000 didn’t have an ass in them.

Rumor has it that a fart in the 300 level section could be heard on the sidelines, but no one was actually there to confirm or deny.

Official attendance numbers have yet to be released, which is weird because it doesn’t take that long to count to 9.



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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.