Boston College Basketball Player Caps Off A God Awful Season With The Saddest Interview Quote On Record

The Boston College basketball team finally bled out on a season they’ll wish to soon forget about–going 7-26 overall and 0-19 in conference play after getting bounced in the first round of the ACC tournament by Florida State, 88-66.

But just because your team had an abortion of a season, that doesn’t mean that lasting memories can’t be had. Just ask Kobe Bryant, who seems to be having a blast on his season-long retirement tour, even though his team is in the basement of the Western Conference.

Putting the win and loss column aside, being a part of a college sport family can teach one a lot about team work, camaraderie, and perseverance. Take it from me, who was set to play hoops in college but was so pussy-whipped by my high school girlfriend, I showed up to tryouts fat and out-of-shape and got ran out of the gym. ERRONEOUS!

So what is BC’s seven-foot senior center Dennis Clifford going to miss most about being part of a college basketball family? The lifelong friendships? The battles below the boards? The groupies?

Well, I’ll let Clifford take it from here.

I feel ya, bro. The worst thing in the world is going to a restaurant and being turned away because you can’t prove you’re on a college basketball team.

“Table for four, please.”
“What squad do you play for?”
“Oh, my careers over.”
“We’re all booked up. Go fuck yourself.”

Gotta feel for Clifford. Keep your head up bro, if Steven Glansberg can do it, so can you.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.