A lot has changed since the year 2010. iPhone is on is 17th model or whatever. The guy from The Apprentice is now our President. The Golden State Warriors are a bastion of NBA success. Dave Chappelle is back! TikTok! Uber! Weed pens! The list goes on and on.
But as the saying goes, the more things change, the more they stay the same, and one thing that has remained true is that the Cleveland Browns have sucked for the entire decade. Similar to how the totems in Inception kept Leo and the gang tethered to reality, you’ll always know you haven’t been transported to an alternate dimension by simply looking at the AFC North standings and finding the Browns below .500. Time is a flat circle, yada yada yada.
While I’m not a math guy — hey teachers from the late 90s and early 2000s who said “we’d never walk around with calculators in our pockets”, the ghost of Steve Jobs says suck it — I did you guys the favor of pulling some #data about the Browns’ decade-long run of ineptitude.
From 2010 to 2019, the Cleveland Browns had seven different head coaches: Eric Mangini, Pat Shurmur, Rod Chudzinski, Mike Pettine, Hue Jackson, Gregg Williams, and Freddie Kitchens.
During that same time period, 17 different quarterbacks started a game: Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Brandon Weeden, Thad Lewis, Jason Campbell, Brian Hoyer, Johnny Manziel, Connor Shaw, Austin Davis, Cody Kessler, Robert Griffin III, Josh McCown, DeShone Kizer, Kevin Hogan, Tyrod Taylor, and Baker Mayfield.
Under the guidance of those 17 quarterbacks and seven head coaches, the Browns made precisely zero postseason appearances. From the year 2010 to 2019, the Browns overall record — with two games left to play this season — is 42-158.
They say if you’re going to do something, do it loudly, do it boldly, and do it well — so congrats, Cleveland, you haven’t just been under-the-radar no-one-really-gives-a-shit-about-you bad (like my New York Jets), you’ve been historically, tragically awful, and there’s something to be said about that.
Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him firstname.lastname@example.org