Full disclosure: I was on crew in high school and feel the pain in this video. The pain of the nervous coxswains steering the boats into harm’s way, the pain of the rowers catching a crab and getting launched out of the boat, and the pain of the parents pissed off at having woken up at 6am to watch a stupid race turn to crap after one person set off a chain reaction of catastrophe.
I was debating on whether or not to post this video of the 2014 Snowflake Regatta yesterday morning, but convinced myself that bros don’t care about crew. Then I woke up today and saw that this video of stupid people making even stupider mistakes was at nearly 500,000 views overnight. So here I am, obliged to share it with you.
Back in my early years of high school down in Florida I was on crew, and I was a coxswain (the person in charge of steering the boat and pissing off the rowers by directing them to do stuff while they work out and the coxswain sits back and relaxes). I was a coxswain because at that time in my life it was easier for me to run several miles a day and maintain the 120-pound required weight than it was to bulk up and be a rower.
Watching this video made my palms sweat as they hadn’t in years, because in my first ever race as a coxswain I fucking demolished our boat just before the race. We were out on the water doing our warmups, and way off in the distance was a tiny race official boat setting buoys. The aforementioned boat was about 50ft away from our path, and I started us on our warmups and forgot about the boat. Well, in the short time that we began our sprint, the official decided it was best to move into our direct line and we smashed right into him, taking off about 3-feet from the front of our boat, and immediately began taking on water whilst hauling ass back to the docks to swap out for another shell before the race.
So while I truly do feel for these nervous coxswains steering their boats into wreck after hilarious wreck, at the same time, watching this as a spectator from the outside it’s easy to see how many f*cking stupid mistakes were made. So sit back and enjoy what is probably the ONLY video of rowing you’ll ever see:
Now let’s sit back and watch this poor girl catch a crab over and over and over again, and be glad that didn’t happen us to: