Every NBA Logo As Each Franchise’s Greatest Player Is So Good I Think I’m Gonna Cry

Remember those amazing NFL logos that were redesigned to represent a professional wrestler that best suited each city? They were downright sublime, especially the Oakland Stingers. Today, similar wizardry has been delivered by the same guys over at Uproxx Sports, this time altering every NBA logo to represent each franchise’s greatest player.

What a perfect way to stroll into NBA All-Star weekend. Much like the NFL wrestler logos, it’s almost sad how delighted I became when I came across this work, particularly when I laid my eyes on the redesigned Phoenix Suns logo.

So, in no particular order — except for PHOENIX — these are my 10 favorites.


Phoenix Suns

Charles Barkley is, hands down, one of my favorite basketball players of all time and also one of my favorite people. He took Jordan to six games in the NBA Finals — fuck you, John Paxson! — and finally got a true opportunity to win in Phoenix after being trapped in Philly hell for so many years. This is a no-brainer. And it needs to be a t-shirt ASAP.


Portland Trail Blazers

All this one needs is a headband and we are golden. If you’re not down with Bill Walton and the tee-pee that resides in his backyard, you got major problems.


Dallas Mavericks

This is pretty perfect. The proper amount of awkwardness and lovability that is Dirk. The dude somehow took out LeBron, Wade, and Bosh in the Finals, making him a worldwide hero to everyone outside of “Wade County.” Another no-brainer.


New York Knicks

People are probably already brawling in the streets over this one — what about Ewing! — but it works for me. As you likely know, Clyde Frazier now works Knicks games and can often be seen wearing a live cheetah or an old set of blinds from the Brady Bunch, which easily makes him No. 1 in my book.


Chicago Bulls

Michael Jordan, the most glaringly obvious choice of them all. Of utmost importance, however, is the fact that MJ is sporting an obscene unibrow for the ages and stark wrinkles in the forehead that would make Triple H tremble in fear.


Seattle SuperSonics

Including the SuperSonics was a really nice touch, even if seeing this color scheme with Gary Payton’s face on it probably tore away at the emotions of Seattle fans in about 106 different ways. The Glove, man. Gotta love it.


New Orleans Pelicans

Woah. Speaking of obscene unibrows, this is basically an eagle or a pterodactyl calmly resting above the eyes of Anthony Davis, who clearly has no idea what’s been done to his storied unibrow. Downright impossible not to include this artwork.


Philadelphia 76ers

This might be the first time I’ve ever seen Allen Iverson smile so brightly, so it makes sense that it’s coming in cartoon form. The Answer stole Game 1 of the NBA Finals against that obscenely dominant Lakers team in 2001, scoring 48 points to go along with 6 steals, 5 assists, and 5 rebounds. Just an unforgettable performance by the little man. He earned this spot. Meanwhile, Dr. J is absolutely fuming.


Minnesota Timberwolves

This is so good and representative of the franchise, I feel like it should actually serve as Minnesota’s logo for the rest of the season. Lest we forget, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!


Utah Jazz

Simply put, John Stockton wouldn’t have been nearly as fun to design around. Plus, it’s the MAILMAN. I particularly enjoy the graying effects on his face, because this is probably exactly what Karl Malone looks like today, sans dye treatments and Rogaine.

And with that, I strongly encourage you to head on over to Uproxx to soak in the rest.

Writer, Editor, Comedian, and Fashion Critic. Currently in heated negotiations over the rights to Jack Sikma's striking perm and a mold of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's glorious goggles.