Fake News Report Claiming That Antonio Brown Is Retiring Hoodwinks So Many Sports Reporters On Twitter

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Rumor has it that if you have a blue check mark next to your name on social media, your opinions are enlightened, you can use the word ‘henceforth’ unironically, and your penis stretches out an extra two inches.

Us commoners typically take blue check mark tweets as gospel because they have bigger brains, but what happens when the blue checks fail to check? CHAOS. The answer is chaos.

This exact scenario played out this weekend when satire Twitter account Barry McCockiner tweeted an update on the Antonio Brown helmet saga that toed the line between shocking and believable.

Mr. McCockiner’s tweet gained so much traction that 80% of blue check marks in sports media failed to do any due diligence and fell for a claim made by someone named Barry McCockiner. And, after the tweets became increasingly outrageous.

McCockiner proudly posted screenshots of all the blue check marks he was able to fuck with using a report he pulled out of his ass.

While this is satire, this AB helmet catastrophe is so wild that McCockiner may eventually be right. We’ve just been informed by Raiders GM Mike Mayock that the man the organization is paying $50 million has yet to show up to Raiders practice, as this saga has yet to be resolved. What a little bitch.

[h/t TPS]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.