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You are a grown human in charge of your own life, but if I were to offer one small piece of advice, it’d be to steer clear of confronting anyone with a 602 area code until further notice, either physically or digitally.
At this point, it’s difficult to argue that God is a Suns fan and any infidel who chooses to oppose His plan will suffer a public flogging so severe, it will make Cersei’s walk of atonement look like a leisurely stroll on the beach.
If you needed further evidence of this, Tempe, Arizona natives and early 90s pop-rock band Gin Blossoms are happy to oblige.
The digital homicide occurred on Twitter Tuesday night when the Hey Jealousy rockers announced they’d be performing at halftime of Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals.
Who’s coming out to the @Suns game tonight? We’re honored to be playing at halftime! #RallyTheValley pic.twitter.com/8zMRu8fcXH
— Gin Blossoms (@ginblossoms) June 22, 2021
With all due respect to the Gin Blossoms, who I fuxed hard with during my mushroom haircut and pogs days, I’m surprised the Suns PR didn’t aim higher for its first Conference Finals appearance in a decade. Maybe they’re scheduling Arizona’s Stevie Nicks and Alice Cooper for the Finals?
In any event, a Twitter user and bitter Nuggets fan VicFang1o quote tweeted the announcement, dubbing The Gin Blossoms as “the third shittiest band ever.”
https://twitter.com/VicFang1o/status/1407435569349611522?s=20
Vic, whose Twitter bio claims “The Nuggets will win a championship before the Suns,” quickly learned that the Gin Blossoms are not to be messed with.
Who did your Nuggets book for tonight? https://t.co/ws2bRzGnbw
— Gin Blossoms (@ginblossoms) June 22, 2021
Tbh, we’re playing one more game of the Western Conference Finals than the Nuggets… https://t.co/NLqxURxQ5c
— Gin Blossoms (@ginblossoms) June 22, 2021
Just think if it were 1994 Suns would still be better than Nuggets. pic.twitter.com/dAmnWYt7MS
— Gin Blossoms (@ginblossoms) June 22, 2021
https://twitter.com/VicFang1o/status/1407473943317868544?s=20
The royalty checks keep cashing bud, #GinBlossomsIn4 https://t.co/oANeJpqDs8 pic.twitter.com/GyEuqdaRVl
— Gin Blossoms (@ginblossoms) June 22, 2021
Gin Blossoms Sabermetrics:
- Debut album, New Miserable Experience (1992), went quadruple platinum.
- Sophomore album, Congratulations I’m Sorry (1995), went platinum
- Song As Long As It Matters was nominated for a Grammy
- Featured in Wayne’s World 2
Moral of the story: Gin Blossoms may be the best band of our generation who’s also committed a murder.