The Gin Blossoms Brutalized A Nuggets Troll Who Mocked Them For Performing At Halftime Of The Western Conference Finals

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You are a grown human in charge of your own life, but if I were to offer one small piece of advice, it’d be to steer clear of confronting anyone with a 602 area code until further notice, either physically or digitally.

At this point, it’s difficult to argue that God is a Suns fan and any infidel who chooses to oppose His plan will suffer a public flogging so severe, it will make Cersei’s walk of atonement look like a leisurely stroll on the beach.

If you needed further evidence of this, Tempe, Arizona natives and early 90s pop-rock band Gin Blossoms are happy to oblige.

The digital homicide occurred on Twitter Tuesday night when the Hey Jealousy rockers announced they’d be performing at halftime of Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals.

With all due respect to the Gin Blossoms, who I fuxed hard with during my mushroom haircut and pogs days, I’m surprised the Suns PR didn’t aim higher for its first Conference Finals appearance in a decade. Maybe they’re scheduling Arizona’s Stevie Nicks and Alice Cooper for the Finals?

In any event, a Twitter user and bitter Nuggets fan VicFang1o quote tweeted the announcement, dubbing The Gin Blossoms as “the third shittiest band ever.”

Vic, whose Twitter bio claims “The Nuggets will win a championship before the Suns,” quickly learned that the Gin Blossoms are not to be messed with.

Gin Blossoms Sabermetrics:

  • Debut album, New Miserable Experience (1992), went quadruple platinum.
  • Sophomore album, Congratulations I’m Sorry (1995), went platinum
  • Song As Long As It Matters was nominated for a Grammy
  • Featured in Wayne’s World 2

Moral of the story: Gin Blossoms may be the best band of our generation who’s also committed a murder.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.