Being an asshole at the gym takes some effort. I should know, I do that shit on the reg. I don’t think I necessarily want to do it, but other, even bigger assholes, force my hand. The worst offender, for my money, is the fucking YARDTURD who leaves his human grease all over every piece of equipment he uses. I can’t really do much about that aside from die inside and complain to people who work at the gym. I mean, what is the retaliation other than spitting in his face and maybe shoving a stink palm right down his throat? I can’t see one. Asking him nicely to stop being such a pile of shit is certainly out of the question.
There is one person I do make it my mission to annoy. That person is the HOVERER. Why are you hovering over me, bro? Can’t you see I’m not done here? Do you think that I won’t leave once I feel like my bod is in primo condition for the day? I will. Trust me. And also trust me that lingering next to me, looking at your watch, is not how you get me off a piece of equipment. In fact, your methodology just kept me on it for the foreseeable future, because wasting your time is a fantastic use of mine. The amount of satisfaction I get out of watching you sit there looking all pissed off isn’t just innumerable, it’s fucking euphoric. GOD I HATE YOU.
Anyway, our friends at EPIQ just dropped this chart which shows what gym etiquette crimes people find to be the most heinous.