Warriors’ Harrison Barnes Had Never Had A Sip Of Alcohol Before Winning The Finals, Definitely Needs Pedialyte This Morning

Harrison Barnes has spent 23 years of his young life entirely sober. Like not even touching the stuff. He made it through two years on a college campus at the University of North Carolina resisting peer pressure. He is, by those standards alone, a better man than I’ll ever be. I think those are called morals or something.

But alcohol has a sneaky way of injecting itself into ones life, whether it be masking itself as a post-breakup comfort food or a post-NBA championship celebratory norm. So before he suited up for Game 6 and a potential close out game for Golden State, he told KNBR’s Dieter Kurtenbach that if his squad won the finals, he’d celebrate with alcohol. I guess bringing your team its first championship in 40 years against hands down the best player in the world is a good enough reason to celebrate. All I need is a 40 oz of Colt 45 and a dark room to get shitfaced.


And after the game, Barnes stuck to his word.


Peer pressure is difficult enough to combat, especially when alcohol is literally being sprayed in your face.


No doubt in my mind that Barnes is sleeping on a bathroom floor right now with his shoes on and a cock drawn on his face. I would have done anything to switch lives with him last night and anything to not be him this morning. Someone please get that man some weed and a Pedialite. Or an IV. An IV works, too.

[H/T Bleacher Report]

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