Here’s What Every NFL Team Name And Logo Would Be If Named By Horny Teenagers

logos

We here at BroBible love two things: Puns and sex. And football. Three things. We love three things: Puns and sex and football.

Which is why, one day, when someone in our group chat made some infantile ass remark like “Kansas City Chiefs, more like Kansas City Queefs” (it was probably David), that led to a tremendously unproductive hour in which we all did nothing but try and come up with the best puns a horny teenage boy would make for every single NFL team.

That tremendous time suck led to some wonderful names that were too good not to share with you Bros.

Here they are.

[All illustrations by the wonderful Chris Illuminati and credit goes to everyone on the Bro squad who helped come up with these.]

AFC EAST

Buffalo Ball Gags

Ball Gags

New England Pancake Tits

Pancake Tits

New York Jizz

Jizz

Miami Deadfish

Dead Fish

AFC NORTH

Baltimore Spray Men

Spraymen

Cincinnati Bang Gals

Bang Gals

Cleveland Blown

Blowns

Clitsburgh Feelers

Feelers

AFC SOUTH

Houston Sextings

Sextings

Indianapolis Cucks

Cucks

Jacksonville Jagoffs

Jagoffs

Tennessee Tits and Ass

TandA

AFC WEST

Denver Nymphos

Nymphos

Kansas City Queefs

Queefs

Oakland Panty Raiders

Panty Raider

San Diego Discharges

Discharges

NFC EAST

Dallas Plowboys

Plowboys

Filthydelphia Spread Eagles

Spread Eagles

New York Giant Salami Nipples

Salami

Washington Blumpkins

Blumpkins

NFC NORTH

Chicago Barebacks

Barebacks

Detroit Hymens

Hymens

Green Bay Box Packers

Box Packers

Minnesota Fap Kings

Fap Kings

NFC SOUTH

Atlanta Fullcums

Fullcums

Carolina Sex Panthers

Sex Panthers

New Orifice Taints

Taints

Tampa Bay Fuckaneers

Tampa Bay

NFC WEST

Arizona Hard in Holes

Hardinholes

Los Angeles Rammed

Rammed

San Francisco 69ers

69ers

Seattle Cockblocks

Cockblocks

And there you have it. Horny teens indeed.


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